Revealed: American Cellphones And Irish Accents Behind Spam Poetry

BROOKLYN, New York -- A rash of bizarre text messages have appeared in several delegate cellphone SMS inboxes and it seems despite frustrations, Wiscorksin officials are determined to have a good laugh over it. It's been discovered that the combination of Irish dialects from the Corkian Wiscorksin heritage paired with a voice-automated SMS application produces a strange slew of incomprehensible words guaranteed to confound its recipient.

"Perhaps I should take this more seriously," conceded Minister Finn "but when you dictate a thirty-plus word message and only a single utterance is accurate, you can't really help but laugh. It's just another example of the extent to which the socio-economic power tribes of the world will do everything they can to hold us down, and why our quest for geographic borders becomes all the more necessary."

The message to which Finn alluded was received as follows: "Tonight what are you doing of late tonight I would the fun I know you better drink and my dad with the end of the shit Matt rock on hater dom mother fucker..."

Finn, later with the affirmation of both Ministers Huggins and Airis, revealed the intended message was meant as a communication about the next Ministers session. "I have no other option but to assume that this is a deliberate attack on the sovereignty of our new nation-state. Clearly such an application is intended to make any Wiscorksinite feel drunk and embarrassed, which is both a subjugation of our pursuit of happiness and a cultural slur against us as a whole," spoke Finn with unanimous agreement from the council. "We will remain steadfast against these triveling matters. They will not see us sweat!!"

Furthermore, it is suspected that this combination of Irish dialects and the SMS application are being recorded on at an unknown central hub for the profiteering of email spam messages, explaining their drunken, poetic syntax. An ad-hoc Wiscorksin sub-committee has been formed to investigate further.

In follow-up news: Minister Finn's phone now only sends two-letter responses.