"T'Aint'ed National Landmark" Tops Summit Discussions

INIS MOR, Ire (AP) -- In early times, Wiscorksin, an alienated region, was ridiculed by MPs in Dublin and equally tormented by a corrupt Wisconsin legislature. The region had since then migrated between two continents, two states and two countries; represented by two flags to remain undetected by harsh rule. Wiscorksinites, whose original ancestors date back almost 2,592,000 seconds, were regarded as a threat to the rest of the world. They were outsiders; fiends; heathens; smart-asses; visionaries, whose outlandish gab proved to be far superior to UN, pompous yuppie, and FOX News comprehension. An outlandish gab that no longer reigns upon deaf ears.

On February 5th, 2009, the proud people of Wiscorksin paraded along St. Patrick's Quay in Corcaigh; a craic that lasted throughout the night. The following day, Minister Finn, Minister Coats and Minister Huggins, Sr. and others were sworn in at the stone in Blarney. Foreign Minister Huggins, Jr. was honorably sworn in later due his absence involving the crusades in the land of Arizona.

The Blarney Stone, the corner'stone' (yah, it's a pun; fuck you; wanna fight about it) of Wiscorksin's existence, recently became the predominant issue debated at the WTB (Wiscorksin Tourism Bureau) and NADS (National Advisory for Domestic Security) Summit held on the isle of Inis Mor. Officials discussed the flux of tourists from numerous countries who have now flooded to Wiscorksin to kiss the beloved stone as its founding fathers had done when they were sworn in. The spike in tourism revenue has helped the country financially, but has left several MPs to wallow in skepticism.

Minister J.K. Coats addressed both councils upon returning to Wiscorksin from New York. "Our fine nation is once again under scrutiny. The independence we vouched for should not amount to a one euro tip and snog from an Ivy-League douche with a Northface fleece!" exclaimed Minister Coats. Later adding "If t'aint our national landmark, t'aint a reason to have the NADS to protect it." Though at one point in an uncomfortable position, the NADS have adjusted themselves for a more firm position on the tourism issue. Without argument, the WTB - whom all are NADS - agreed.

Mysticism once engulfed the lore of the Blarney Stone. It has been passed down that those who kiss the stone shall be eloquent. A testament to which all Wiscorksinites aspire, never failing to follow a comment with a classic Naven schneaar. However, that mysticism has been tarnished; Minister Coats's observations are not daft. Wiscorksin hospitals have been flooded with tourists spewing nothing but shit from their mouths upon kissing the stone, going to such lengths as to pretend they have an authentic "Wiscorksin Accent".

Blarney local, Paddy Gleason accounts that "these tourists; fiends; heathens; would get the same amount of attention from their bourgeoisie mates if they had an arm sticking out of their ass." Clearly, local residents feel some amount of angst toward the interlopers looking to adopt the Wiscorksin identity for purely aesthetic reasons.

The NADS remain in a bind, but parliament; parliament remains optimistic. If need be, to protect the sovereignty of the People's Republic of Wiscorksin, NADS have declared borders may possibly be closed and boundaries drawn. Though even the Wiscorksin ministers are baffled on how best to do this.




* Further articles, responses, and opinions from the Pocket Protector may be also read under the alias "Ann Landers" in local American newpapers.