Revealed: American Cellphones And Irish Accents Behind Spam Poetry

BROOKLYN, New York -- A rash of bizarre text messages have appeared in several delegate cellphone SMS inboxes and it seems despite frustrations, Wiscorksin officials are determined to have a good laugh over it. It's been discovered that the combination of Irish dialects from the Corkian Wiscorksin heritage paired with a voice-automated SMS application produces a strange slew of incomprehensible words guaranteed to confound its recipient.

"Perhaps I should take this more seriously," conceded Minister Finn "but when you dictate a thirty-plus word message and only a single utterance is accurate, you can't really help but laugh. It's just another example of the extent to which the socio-economic power tribes of the world will do everything they can to hold us down, and why our quest for geographic borders becomes all the more necessary."

The message to which Finn alluded was received as follows: "Tonight what are you doing of late tonight I would the fun I know you better drink and my dad with the end of the shit Matt rock on hater dom mother fucker..."

Finn, later with the affirmation of both Ministers Huggins and Airis, revealed the intended message was meant as a communication about the next Ministers session. "I have no other option but to assume that this is a deliberate attack on the sovereignty of our new nation-state. Clearly such an application is intended to make any Wiscorksinite feel drunk and embarrassed, which is both a subjugation of our pursuit of happiness and a cultural slur against us as a whole," spoke Finn with unanimous agreement from the council. "We will remain steadfast against these triveling matters. They will not see us sweat!!"

Furthermore, it is suspected that this combination of Irish dialects and the SMS application are being recorded on at an unknown central hub for the profiteering of email spam messages, explaining their drunken, poetic syntax. An ad-hoc Wiscorksin sub-committee has been formed to investigate further.

In follow-up news: Minister Finn's phone now only sends two-letter responses.

An Open Invitation to Mr. Queens

Dear Mr. Stevie Queens,

We, the people of the Great Nation of Wiscorksin, would like to cordially invite you to join us in the festive tradition of brunching. It has come to our attention the hard work and dedication you have put forth as a Sparrow in your contributions to the soon to be released Into The Nettles Economic Bailout Package. Our economy is depending on you. We would like to show our appreciation with a long afternoon of brunch bombs. Please contact your local Councilman with your preferred brunch date and time.

Yours Truly,
Minister J.K. Coats

Wiscorksin Artistic Institute heralded by all

It was an historic day in Wiscorksin Art news over the past weekend with the unveiling and subsequent lauding of the new landmark institute.
The Museum Of Modern Ordinariness (MoMO) was officially opened by Wiscorksin Minister for Artistic Integrity and Self Awareness, Minister Coates, to rapturous applause from the ever-growing Wiscorksin artistic community.
"It is a great honor to be here at the dawning of a new era in Wiscorksin," declared Minister Coates, "I have a great feeling inside that this is the birth of a truly great creative cycle in the life of all Wiscorskinites, in fact I feel my artistic flower begging to grow as I stand here amongst you all today!"
Many in the bohemian sector of our culture have heralded this as a milestone in our country's charter and an opening of the virtual floodgates for the art, ordinary or otherwise, that will flow from our citizens like the never-ending tears from the Rock Of Love contestants, while others greeted the news with a shrug of the shoulders and an inaudible grunt. These undesireables shall be henseforth banished from our shores and have their citzenship revoked unless a new lease of enthusiasm is found.

So take note Wiscorksinites, embrace the art or die!!

Foreign Minister to Return Home

A festive few days is soon to come upon the People's Republic of Wiscorksin. Foreign Minister Huggins, Jr. shall be visiting the County of New York City for the first time, arriving in the early morn of April 23rd. Though a long day of press conferences at the UN will take a majority of his time Thursday, the Minister is expected to meet with his countrymen/women the remainder of the weekend.

" dot dot dot dot pause dot dot pause dash dash dash dot pause dot dash dot pause," Minister Huggins, Jr. explained via telegraph. Later adding "dot dot dash dash dot dot duck duck goose".





-See Ann Lander's column "Your Body and You" in this Monday's local paper.

This Week In Brunching News

BROOKLYN, New York -- Photos reveal members of the Wiscorksin delegation drunk in public. Surprise, surprise... Ministers stumbled drunk from brunch to a bar... with a photo booth.

Wiscorksin GDP and GNP Expected To Increase Exponentially

NEW YORK, New York -- Ministers announced this morning that projections for Wiscorksin's 2009 GDP show a likely exponential growth with the production of two confirmed record releases: the freshman effort from Brooklyn's Doppelganger, which enters the final stages of mastering and pressing soon, and a new release from Wiscorksin veterans, The Dead Sparrows (formerly The Cummies). Critics have considered the new commonwealth's decision to base their entire economy on the production and export of rock'n'roll a bold economic strategy, but it seems to be working.



While global financial markets continue to struggle, if not plummet completely, the near-Lycurgian approach of Wiscorksin's GDP and GNP models seem to be showing stable growth. "Sometimes the best thing to do is just hold up, harden up and put out some good records," stated Minister Airis "Out there is a whole world of music to sift through. Well, we've heard some of it, brought it home in our heads when it was good enough and now we're going to drop a couple of albums on everyone else that draw a line... like B.C. and A.D. In fact, you can even check out our new record, Into the Nettles, for a taste of what's to come."

Ministers expressed no trepidations at a failure to export anything but rock'n'roll, producing all other essentials internally - alcohol, architecture, clothing, even some food. "We get by on what gets us through," Minister Huggins announced confidently. And rumors continue to circulate regarding other releases from LES band Des Roar and a solo effort from JM Airis.

Bill of Rights Discussed - Not Yet Finalized

Meeting minutes logged on March 8th revealed an important step towards a set of basic needs and natural rights that must be available to all Wiscorksin Citizens.

Minister O'Keeffe: "Ministers, I want to raise awareness about something I am very passionate about."

Minister Finn: "I know; you are not even eating!"

Minister O'Keeffe: "I was watching historical footage of one of our national heroes, Surivior man, in which Mr. Survivor was dropped in the middle of the ocean with nothing but the dingy he was on."

After an extensive discussion of the archived footage, it was determined that if Wiscorksin Citizens were to claim one basic need, it would most certainly be that of land.

"We are not amphibians!" yelled Minister Finn (no pun intended).

Just as our sister nation America declared manifest destiny we declare this our "Manifest Destiny Epiphany;" it is an obviously certain realization that without land, Wiscorksinites would most certainly perish.

I call upon you now fellow benevolent ministers, that in this time of great advancement and achievement we establish a bill of rights so that no citizen is left at sea.