Wiscorksin Planning Council Laying Foundations to Acquire Land

Des Moines, IA - For months now, turmoil and conflict have stricken the lands* of Wiscorksin. The fine nation, with it's proactive arts movement, open drug policies, and charismatic "Why The Fuck Not?" slogan, has yet to furnish an earthen homestead of its own. However, a breakthrough has developed over the past few days. En route to Iowa City, Iowa, Foreign Minister "Huggy J" Huggins made brief Midwestern stops in Lincoln, Nebraska and Des Moines, Iowa to promote the Wiscorksin way of life. In a historic late morning/early afternoon, Minister Huggins, Jr. knighted/knightetted Sir Braden Miller, Sir Nicolas Sass, Sir Mark Obrist, Sir Joseph Grossman, and Madam Katie Bracken into the realms of the Wiscorksin nation (approval still pending from the Supreme Council). In this joy-euse of moments, the Intergalactic Wiscorksin Discussion of Scholarly Discussioners was immediately founded. Talks of acquiring land soon followed.

"Why not Pluto?", exclaimed Sir Miller. "It is no longer a planet, no one owns that shit!"

"Why the fuck not?", replyed the fellow discussioners.

Though a fault does lie within the thinking of Sir Miller, heroic and daring in his vision. The Wiscorksin Space and Teleportation Program is still in it's development phase, as seen in reruns of Star Trek: The Next Generation. It was eventually discussed that this was more a vision of future planning, pure brilliance, tastefully portrayed as ignorance by Sir Miller.

"People will soon flock to Pluto for reasons unknown to them. One day they will just keep driving and end up in our backyard, not really knowing why... (reminents of this monologue are missing but show uncanny similiarities to James Earl Jones' in "Field of Dreams"). Snickers arose from the peanut gallery, but were met with a reprise of jubilation once Sir Miller finished explaning his theory.

So, to the fellow Wiscorksinites, we shall soon have land.




In other news, local Boy Scout earns merit badge for Community Service by promoting and providing breast exams for older women.

* "land" is used for illustrative purposes

Bubbles in a bubble

It has just been announced that there are "flu-like" symptoms discovered at a Williamsburg school. ABC Channel 7 Eyewitness News has reported a "pre-scare" in the well known and loved Brooklyn neighborhood.

Drug dealers have stated though their* services will not be affected however, an announcement that was met with general relief and contentment from residents.

"Why the Fuck Not", said @##$^#$^ (not real name (NRN)), "in an effort to keep the creative juices flowing in the borough, we will continue to corrupt and inspire the minds of the youth by bringing and gladly distributing our wares, even if it means wearing HAZ-MAT suits."

This last part, however, was omitted from the news bulletin.

*this is an edit from the original post, it was pointed out by the Wiscorksin Grammar Police (WGP)

Why The Fuck Not??

In an Extraordinary General Meeting (EGM) of Wiscorskin delegates today, substantial progress has been made in the advancement and general progression of our great nation. Even though this motion has not been ratified by the Wiscorksin General Assembly (WGA) yet, there are very strong indications from within the inner sanctum that an official State Motto (SM) has been proposed and almost unanimously approved by the assembly.

"Why The Fuck Not?!"(WTFN)

It was an epiphany first noticed by Scottish Ambassador (SA) Laidlaw and quickly endorsed by our newest Connecticut Ambassador (CA) Marinelli after a very successful Power-Brunch (PB) at Minister Finn and Minister O Keeffe's New York Residence (NYR).

"It became apparent when all the other delegates became flush and excitable," uttered Marinelli CA, "At first we thought it was the brunch bombs, but it soon became apparent that it was the quirky catchphrase the was causing the mild euphoria quickly spreading throughout the lounge!!".

Some Ministers were so beyond themselves with joy and self-awareness that they were unable to provide a printable quote for even this page. "This could be the the best day ever", pronounced Minister Coats, as Hall and Oates filled the room from an impressive, but not too pricey, 5.1 Surround system.

More awesomeness is to be expected over the next few days as some great debate is sure to ensue, with Ministers to reach agreement very soon!

"Why The Fuck Not." says this observer, and who would argue??

Revealed: American Cellphones And Irish Accents Behind Spam Poetry

BROOKLYN, New York -- A rash of bizarre text messages have appeared in several delegate cellphone SMS inboxes and it seems despite frustrations, Wiscorksin officials are determined to have a good laugh over it. It's been discovered that the combination of Irish dialects from the Corkian Wiscorksin heritage paired with a voice-automated SMS application produces a strange slew of incomprehensible words guaranteed to confound its recipient.

"Perhaps I should take this more seriously," conceded Minister Finn "but when you dictate a thirty-plus word message and only a single utterance is accurate, you can't really help but laugh. It's just another example of the extent to which the socio-economic power tribes of the world will do everything they can to hold us down, and why our quest for geographic borders becomes all the more necessary."

The message to which Finn alluded was received as follows: "Tonight what are you doing of late tonight I would the fun I know you better drink and my dad with the end of the shit Matt rock on hater dom mother fucker..."

Finn, later with the affirmation of both Ministers Huggins and Airis, revealed the intended message was meant as a communication about the next Ministers session. "I have no other option but to assume that this is a deliberate attack on the sovereignty of our new nation-state. Clearly such an application is intended to make any Wiscorksinite feel drunk and embarrassed, which is both a subjugation of our pursuit of happiness and a cultural slur against us as a whole," spoke Finn with unanimous agreement from the council. "We will remain steadfast against these triveling matters. They will not see us sweat!!"

Furthermore, it is suspected that this combination of Irish dialects and the SMS application are being recorded on at an unknown central hub for the profiteering of email spam messages, explaining their drunken, poetic syntax. An ad-hoc Wiscorksin sub-committee has been formed to investigate further.

In follow-up news: Minister Finn's phone now only sends two-letter responses.

An Open Invitation to Mr. Queens

Dear Mr. Stevie Queens,

We, the people of the Great Nation of Wiscorksin, would like to cordially invite you to join us in the festive tradition of brunching. It has come to our attention the hard work and dedication you have put forth as a Sparrow in your contributions to the soon to be released Into The Nettles Economic Bailout Package. Our economy is depending on you. We would like to show our appreciation with a long afternoon of brunch bombs. Please contact your local Councilman with your preferred brunch date and time.

Yours Truly,
Minister J.K. Coats

Wiscorksin Artistic Institute heralded by all

It was an historic day in Wiscorksin Art news over the past weekend with the unveiling and subsequent lauding of the new landmark institute.
The Museum Of Modern Ordinariness (MoMO) was officially opened by Wiscorksin Minister for Artistic Integrity and Self Awareness, Minister Coates, to rapturous applause from the ever-growing Wiscorksin artistic community.
"It is a great honor to be here at the dawning of a new era in Wiscorksin," declared Minister Coates, "I have a great feeling inside that this is the birth of a truly great creative cycle in the life of all Wiscorskinites, in fact I feel my artistic flower begging to grow as I stand here amongst you all today!"
Many in the bohemian sector of our culture have heralded this as a milestone in our country's charter and an opening of the virtual floodgates for the art, ordinary or otherwise, that will flow from our citizens like the never-ending tears from the Rock Of Love contestants, while others greeted the news with a shrug of the shoulders and an inaudible grunt. These undesireables shall be henseforth banished from our shores and have their citzenship revoked unless a new lease of enthusiasm is found.

So take note Wiscorksinites, embrace the art or die!!

Foreign Minister to Return Home

A festive few days is soon to come upon the People's Republic of Wiscorksin. Foreign Minister Huggins, Jr. shall be visiting the County of New York City for the first time, arriving in the early morn of April 23rd. Though a long day of press conferences at the UN will take a majority of his time Thursday, the Minister is expected to meet with his countrymen/women the remainder of the weekend.

" dot dot dot dot pause dot dot pause dash dash dash dot pause dot dash dot pause," Minister Huggins, Jr. explained via telegraph. Later adding "dot dot dash dash dot dot duck duck goose".





-See Ann Lander's column "Your Body and You" in this Monday's local paper.